Thanks,
Frustrated Cubicle Dweller


Dear Frustrated,

What kind of phone does this guy have—two tin cans connected by a string? It makes you want to lean over to his cubicle and say, “Where did you learn to whisper…in a helicopter? Dude, inside voice!” Obviously, you can’t say that to your coworker without getting in trouble with the boss for attacking him verbally. Your coworker clearly has not grasped the fact that other people live on this planet besides him. But using manners is sometimes not the most successful route in these types of situations either. People often mistake kindness for weakness. To get through to his self-absorbed, pig-headed brain, you may have to fight fire with fire (as the old saying goes). This derby girl suggests extreme measures to not only make your point, but to entertain yourself in the process. Who says you can’t have a little fun when dealing with office idiots?

Get your hands on a bullhorn (Yes, I said a bullhorn) and take it to work with you. Every time Mr. “I’m so cool because someone called me on my cell phone” starts his meaningless conversations, pick up the bullhorn and start talking back to him like he’s talking to you. This will definitely irritate the heck out of him and force him to get up out of his chair and walk over to your cubicle. Which will be followed with some thing like this:

Him: Do you mind? I’m on the phone!
You: Yes, we know. Everyone—including the building next to us—knows you are on the phone. It’s annoying when someone is being loud and you can’t concentrate, isn’t it?

Or you can just tell your boss that you’re having a hard time getting any work done with his obnoxious phone calls interrupting you. I don’t want you to get fired. But, who says you can’t fantasize about getting even with an office jerk?

Good luck!